Ladies and Gentlemen…. Somehow… SOMEHOW...I have made it to see my 27th birthday. Considering my history of depression and an intense love of starchy foods, this is a true accomplishment. On a serious note, I never expected to be around for this. Life hasn’t been the kindest to me over the years, yet here I am. In honor of this day, that I get to share with my twin brother, here are 27 bits of information I have gathered throughout the years. Good luck.
1. When someone shows you who they are … believe them. Actions speak volumes louder than words, so stop handing out second & third chances to people who aren’t hanging around to help you grow.
2. You can forgive someone without letting their bullshit back into ‘yo life.. okayy. Squash the drama.. Work out the issues.. Clear up the controversy…BUT don’t add them back on social media. Don’t sit around gossiping with them. Don’t keep people around who bring unnecessary drama into your life. Just don’t.
3. There’s worse things than being called fat. I’d rather be a chubby badass than a mainstream media acceptable sized piece of sh!t. Be a good person.
4. Airplanes suck!…Exploring the world makes up for it though. Travel. If you get the opportunity to travel, go as far as you can. This world really isn’t all that large but it’s full of some pretty breathtaking places.
5. Incoherent screaming can be therapeutic. “Scream & shout & let it out.”
6. Put your mental health first. Don’t drown to keep others afloat.
7. You’re gonna be the bad guy in someone's life story. I know there’s a purpose for this, but I’m not sure if it can be avoided. Even if you’re not actually a “bad guy” you might end up looking like one. You’ll be someone's hero too though, so don’t let it get you down.
8. Don’t be afraid of looking stupid. Have a damn good time regardless of who is watching. I’m working on this one still.
9. If it feels wrong, stop. Relationships. Work. Love. Sex. Your brand of laundry detergent.
10. Is it possible to walk past a mirror without checking out your own butt? Asking for a friend? Is this considered info?. I’m filling space now. 27 is a lot. Geez.
11. It’s okay to not speak about your traumas, but it’s also okay to openly talk about what you’ve been through. It’s not attention seeking. & If there’s even a tiny chance that your story could comfort someone else, then maybe you should consider going for it…. If you’re comfortable doing so.
12. Timing is trash. Very rarely do things ever fall perfectly into place at the “right time”…..You’ve got to make time for the right things to happen orrr you’ve got to go with the flow of life. Waiting for the “right time” barely ever works out in a persons favor.
13. Tell them you love them. You’ll regret the words you leave unspoken.
14. We do not deserve dogs. Humans do not deserve dogs. We have done nothing to deserve the unconditional love and joy that dogs give us. Love your pups. Treat your pups kind. Let them on the couch. Pat them. Scratch their bottoms. They will only be around for a part of your life, but you will be there for the entirety of theirs.
15. Fear really does kill more dreams than anything. People out there who are half as talented as you, are going to go farther simply because they have the courage to do so. This. I. This. This is a huge thing in my life right now. The fear of failure is keeping me from playing any of the games. I’ll let you know how to get past this… yah know…whenever I figure it out.
16. Say you’re sorry & admit when you’re wrong. Nothings more appealing than when someone can humbly admit that they’ve made a mistake.
17. Farts will always be funny. Idc. You can’t change my mind.
18. You can’t change people. Don’t wait around hoping for someone to change…You’re wasting your time & theirs.
19. If you won’t remember it when you’re old and dying, don’t bother overthinking it. If Tina told Tom that she thinks you’re not even that pretty & now you’re just livid beyond comprehension … nah stop. It doesn’t matter. You do you & let Tina do her. Really doesn’t matter y’all.
20. Shitting your pants in your 20′s is a thing, guys. You’re lucky if you get out of this unscathed.
21. It’s okay to ask for help. Friendship. Support. Therapy. Medication. Food stamps. Housing… If you need it & can get it, take it. We’re all struggling in some way.
22. Someone else’s beauty is not the absence of your own. You’ve got to learn to admire other people without discouraging yourself. They are hot. You are hot. We, he, she, it, they, are all hawt.
23. Socks are always an A+ gift idea for anyone over the age of 22.
24. No matter how much you love someone…let them go. If someone hurts you more than they help you, you owe it to yourself to walk away. It’s hard. It hurts. It’ll sting for a long time. It’s worth it. You are worth it.
25. Keep a change of clothes in your car. Trust me on this one.
26. Live within your means, but dream beyond them. I’ll be rich and famous someday, but for now I’ll stock the fridge with just the basics & buy the cheap suave brand shampoos.
27. Don’t Settle. Never just settle. Do you know how many people out there are just settling? Settling for mediocre love?. For a job that only pays the bills?. For fake friendships?. For orgasm-less sex?!. (Unless that’s what you’re into. Do your thing babes.) All I’m saying is… it’s hard. Breaking out of a comfort zone is never easy. Routine is easy. & Easy is okay for a little bit, but don’t let it be the place where you come to spend your life.
Cheers to you if you actually read any of this nonsense. Here’s to a new year in my life & here’s to seeing what we learn during it. This is going to be quite an adventure.
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